Last Crissmas
by HXCQAFFAN1998
Summary: Follow-up story to Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. 10 years post. -1ST CHAPTER PROLOGUE- SECOND CHAPTER REMINISING-
1. Chapter 1

-TEN YEARS POST HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS-

As Kurt glided into the room, he was greeted by 10 bright, cheery smiles. It had been 10 long years since he'd seen his OTP, Blaine Anderson, the father of those 10 beautiful children. They looked exactly like Blaine, eyebrows and all.

Kurt greeted his children.

"GOOD EVENING MY BEAUTIFUL PRECIOUS GIFT FROM .HABIBIBI"  
They all chanted at once, "GOOD EVENING FATHER."

Kurt was alone for Christmas, minus his many children. A single father, without his OTP. He cried, and cried harder when he realised there were no eyebrows to mop up his sweet tears. As he gazed out the window longingly, a familiar tuff of curly afro hair stuck out of the drain. Kurt's face lit up. He delicately opened the window and fell out gracefully, ending his fall with a smooth front flip.

"Blaine? Is that you?"  
"GOTCHAAAAA!" snarled Mr. Shu, popping up and out of the drain and ripping off the wig of pubes he had been collecting ever since he learnt of Kurt's disappearance 10 years ago.

Mr. Shu shoved a potato sack over Kurt's head and quickly tied him up with his famous pubes handcuffs. He tossed Kurt inside his van, shaped like a dildo, as he was now working in a sex toy shop. Kurt squealed like a pig as Mr. Shu screeched away from the house.

~FADE TO BLACK~


	2. Chapter 2

Twas the night before Christmas, and Kurt had his candy-cane festive g-string on, tucked away within his bum rolls. It was his first Christmas with his boyfriend of five days, Blaine Anderson. Kurt already knew that this was the man that he wanted to marry and love forever, and maybe, someday, if he was lucky, have his children.

As Kurt seductively strutted into the room, he saw Blaine wearing a Santa's outfit, pimp cane and all, and stretching across a huge black bed shaped like one of his eyebrows. After five seconds of a heavy make-out session, Blaine enticingly started to eat candies from his g-string. Kurt was so turned on that he shoved one up his bum and ordered Blaine to suck it out. Blaine was lapping it up like a puppy, and as he removed the last candy, he rubbed it over his nipples. Unfortunately, the candies became stuck in his chest hair. Kurt pounced on Blaine, and began licking circles on his tummy until he started coughing up hairballs.

"Baby you are so hot when you're vomiting everyone. Come and give Papa Blaine some lovin'."

Kurt simply winked at Blaine and harmonised,  
"ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO LET ME SEE YOUR PEACOCK? COME ON BABY LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE HIDING UNDERNEATH ALL THAT HAIR."

Kurt crawled over to where Blaine now crouched in the corner of the bed. Suddenly, HE POUNCED, and knocked Kurt onto the floor. Blaine's eyebrows started pounding a beat on his forehead, to create the mood.

"LET'S GO ALL THE WAY TONIGHT. NO REGRETS. JUST LOVEEEE."

Blaine seductively rubbed his eyebrows against Kurt's face, giving him those cute puppy eyes. Kurt gave a faint nod, signalling to consummate their new sexual relationship. Blaine lifted Kurt's legs over his own shoulders, and blew raspberries on Kurt's dick. Kurt gave out an elfish squeal as Blaine thrusted into his sweet sweet booty aggressively. Kurt felt like his booty pipe had endured a huge Christmas tree. Blaine's dick was super hairy like Chewwy. It was so big; it was like his own person. Blaine began to make weird grunts, sounding like a Gorilla in heat. Kurt could also feel a coil of heat sitting in his lower belly. Soon his world came crashing down, his legs trembling. Blaine let out a Tarzan bellow, pounding his chest, still thrusting in. Suddenly, Kurt yelled out  
"BLAINE! WE HAVE NO PROTECTION! ABORT MISSION! THERE'S NO CAPTAIN STEERING THIS SHIP!"  
But it was too late...

Blaine had spilled his milk into Kurt's cookie dough. His cum flew into Kurt's sweet bootypipe and overflowed onto the bed, creating a sticky river. Blaine could only smile and shrug.  
"Guy's can't get pregnant anyway, right?"  
Kurt began to cry, "I WAS BORN WITH FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS IN MY ASS!"  
Blaine's smile simply grew bigger.  
"Good. I have successfully left my mark on you. Don't cry for me Kurt, we will be together forever. Just you wait and see."

But the couple in love were destined for doom. For trouble was lurking in the form of Mr. Shu...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N hay guiz!1!1111! the folowin chptrs r the prolog 2 kurt's sad sturi. I wil let u no wen itz prsnt day, bt 4 now it's 10 yrs prior. THX 4 THE FEEDBK U GUYZ R AMZING!1!1**

**CUMSHOTS AND BUTTERFLY KISSES, UR GURL HXCQAFFAN1998**

As Kurt revealed the news of his unexpected pregnancy to his boyfriend of seven days, Blaine erupted with joy, pouncing on Kurt's head and swinging him around by his feet.  
The tall, crane-like doctor with big front teeth broke up this warm moment.  
"Kurt, you should know that homosexual pregnancies last only up to 4 weeks, because of the amazing hormones homosexuals possess."  
"WELL!" Blaine exclaimed, "WE BETTER GET WORKING!"

Blaine managed to get a job at Burger King working triple shifts in the glory hole. Meanwhile, Kurt's bum got bigger and bigger with his beautiful child. Blaine also swung into full daddy mode. He'd re-traced both the Anderson and Hummel history back to the 1400s, to get an idea of what their child would be like, and what re-occurring genes their families produced. He also took pictures of both himself and Kurt and morphed their faces together to see what their child would look like.

Burt Hummel became extremely suspicious when Kurt began wearing extremely fashionable ponchos, even though it was in summer. He decided to confront him.  
"Kurt you know I support you, riiiight? And you'd tell me if anything is wrong, riiiight? I'm not too good at the homosexual dad thing, riiiight? But I just want you to know that I'm always gonna be there for you, riiiight? I know it's been tough since your mum has died, riiiight? But I'm doing the best I can, riiiiiight? Cut me some slack, riiiiight?"  
"I know dad. I'm forever greatful. I just don't think you'd be able to handle this news."  
"Kurt, you told me you're gay riiiiight? Anything's alriight at the mo, riiiight?"  
"Well dad, as you may or may not know, I am intimately involved with my boyfriend of 8 days, Blaine Anderson. And on our fifth day anniversary, we decided to consummate our relationship by having sex. And he got me pregnant."  
"HOLY FUCKING TITS. IS IT BECAUSE OF THAT REPRODUCIVE SYSTEM IN YOUR BUM RIIIIGHT?"  
"Yes dad. It is. Please leave. I'm half an hour late on my moisturizing routine."  
Suddenly, Finn pranced into the room.  
"HEY WHAT'S UP KURT?/!"  
Kurt turned slowly to Finn, the giant man towering over him.  
"Finn. I'm pregnant."  
Finn's smile flew from his face and an angry scowl replaced it.  
"WHAT THE FUCK, MANNNN? A GAY GUY CAN'T GET PREGNANT MANNNN. WHAT'S THIS GONNA DO TO MY REPUTATION, MANNNNN?"  
"Kurt can get pregnant because he was born with the female reproductive organs in his ass." Burt said.  
Finn began to storm around the room, knocking things over as he went. He suddenly lunged at Kurt.  
"I'LL FALCON PUNCH YOU IN THE ASS KURT!"  
Burt threw himself on Finn, holding him down.  
"RUN KURT! RUN AND NEVER COME BACK. THROW ME THE SHOTGUN AS YOU LEAVE!"

As Kurt fled from the house, he heard the distant cry of a shotgun ring out from the house.

~MEANWHILE IN THE ANDERSON HOUSEHOLD~  
Blaine was nervously pacing in his room, the pictures he'd morphed of his future newborn child plastered on ever last corner of his room. The long awaited confession that he was a homosexual man was about to be revealed to his parents.

He confidently strutted into the dining room.  
"Yoyo ma." He greeted.  
"What up, son?" His mum smiled.

Mustering up all his Gryffindor courage, he said,  
"I'm gay. And my long-term life partner of 9 days is pregnant with my baby."  
His dad fluttered into the room, having heard this confession. His moustache was almost as bushy as Blaine's eyebrows.  
"WHY YOU NO BE STRAIGHT! WHY YOU LIE TO YOUR MUVVA?"  
"It's true." Blaine said, "I am a proud homosexual man. And I wish to embrace this lifestyle with you with you with you with you with youuuu" Blaine harmonised.  
"NEVER!1!" His father screamed, "YOU SAY THAT AGAIN, I'LL WAX YOUR FUCKING EYEBROWS OFF. AND NO LONGER WILL YOU BE BLESSED WITH THE MEXICAN POWERS I INSTORED IN YOU!"

Blaine gave his father the evil eye and left forever in the only way he could. In a song.  
"I'MLEAAVING NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN. YOU FOUND SOMEBODY WHO DOES IT BETTER THAN HE CAN. NO MORE MAKIN' YOU CRY, NO MORE THEM GRAY SKIES. ME AND KURT ARE FLYING ON THE G5, G5. NO STRESS NO STRESS NO STRESS."

And with that, he walked out of their lives forever.


	4. Chapter 4

HAY ALL MAH ~~~BOOTIFUL~~~~ FANZ~~! I M SO SORI 4 NT POSTIN SOONA. I HAVE BEN SOOOOOOOOO BUZY WEKIN ON DA FANFIC, LAST CRISSMAS N STUDYIN AT DA COMMNITY COLLEGE 4 MAH MASTAHZ IN ENGLSH, DAT I HAV HAD NO TYM 2 DO ANYTHANG! BT I M BAK NOW N BETTA DEN EVA! PLANNIN' ON UPDATIN EVRY WEK! SO STAY TOONED N ENJOY DA NXT CHAPTA!

P.S IN DA LAST CHAPTA DID U GESS THA GEST APRANCE? IF U R TRU HXCQAFFAN1998 FAN U WUD HAV SEEN IT! DATZ RITE IT WAS OUR FAV HOMEGURL EMMET, DA DOCTA! DATZ RITE HE BECAM A DOCTA AFTA HIS ESCAP FRM ETHN SO PRUD OF MAH GURL. I M CRYING WITH PRIDE SO I CNT RITE ANYMORE. PLZ ENJOY.

As Blaine climbed out of his parent's Mexican underground abode, he wiped the sweet tears from his eyebrows and began to hum quietly to himself. It was a beautiful sweet pure tune that only Blaine Anderson could produce. It was entitled Purple Rain, by Blaine's former boyfriend, and artist formerly known as Prince.

As Blaine limped down the road, he came across Kurt lying in the gutter, whimpering and gently murmuring a familiar song "Baby don't take it personal when I go and fuck these hoes..."

"Baby what's wrong!"  
"I think my dad killed Finn! I am a homeless mother! How will I raise my baby well?"

Blaine smurker knowingly, and reached out to Kurt, "Hold my hand. Baby I promise that I'll do. All I can. Things will get better if you just hold my hand. Nothing can come between us if you just hold, hold my, hold, hold my, hooold, hold my hand."

They began to frolic down the street until they came to a house made entirely of hair.  
"WHAT IS THIS MAGICAL CASTLE?" Kurt cried.  
"THE HOUSE I HAND-KNITTED FOR YOU OUT OF MY EYEBROW HAIR, BABY. You deserve only the best."

Kurt approached the front door and rang the bell. Music began to play.  
_"RING DING DING DING DING DING, RING A DING GA DA DING DING DONG."_  
"I installed that as the bell because I know you love Korean Boy Bands." Blaine winked.  
Kurt began to cry, "You are such a thoughtful, beautiful man!" 

As the days went on, Kurt soon realised that the baby wouldn't be able to fit it's mouth over his gigantic nipples. Once again he started to scream with sobs.  
"MY BABY WILL STARVE!"  
Blaine quickly rushed to the supermarket and bought the finest on-sale bottles his Burger King salary could afford. They were made of genuine cow udder so as to not harm the baby's sensitive homo-gums. He trotted home and then proceeded to gently milk Kurt so he would have enough milk for the baby. This turned Kurt on and so they began to do their usual mating dance. As Blaine whipped out a giant dildo from his eyebrows, Kurt began to pound the floor with his balls to "get in the mood". He then began to seductively hum a ballad version of " Touch my Body" by his 2nd muse, Mariah Curry. This mating ritual continued for hours, but the two lovers were unaware that in the bushes outside lurked a terrifying predator... OR SHOULD I SAY PREDATORS.


	5. Chapter 5

As Blaine was happily prancing down a dark abandoned road, coming from his late night shift at Burger King, he came across a little black poodle lying on the ground. He crouched down and as he did, it's red eyes glowed fiercfully in the dark.  
"POODLE IN DA SKYYYY WIF RED EYES. POODLE IN DA SKYYYY WIF RED EYEEESSS."  
Blaine crouched down beside the seemingly unconscious, bootiful, soft, sexy, unbelievably seductive poodle. He planned to take it home to have for dinner with Kurt with fava beans and a nice Chianti, when SUDDENLY, the poodle transformed into a BEAST.

MR SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

"BOO! GUESS WHO?" he snarled viciously, spit flying everywhere, effectively gluing Blaine's eyes shut so he was blinded from the world.  
"IT'S ME! MR SHU. TRICK OR TREAT. HEEHEE"  
Blaine suddenly felt himself being lifted into the air, his eyebrows desperately trying to hold onto his bootiful face. He felt himself being lifted so high that it could only mean one person... FINN. MR. SHU'S ACCOMPLIS!

~~~~FADE TO BLACK~~~~

Meanwhile, at Blaine and Kurt's eyebrow hair mansion, Kurt was pacing worriedly, whilst singing "I never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love  
But it grew from a simple crush, crush, crush, crush  
Being without you girl, I was all messed up, up, up, up  
When you walked out, said that you'd had enough-nough-nough-nough"

Then Blaine glided in through the chimney,  
"I'M SO SORRY BB!" he began singing Kurt around whilst singing  
"HAY PRETTY BB WIF DA HIGH HEELS ON. U GIV MY EYEBROWS FEVA LIKE IVE NEVA NEVA KNOWN."  
Kurt thought that Blaine's usual beautiful singing voice wasn't fully up to par, but he brushed it off with his dick.  
"WHERE THE FUCK YOU BEEN, BITCH! I'VE BEEN COOKIN' FAVA BEANS ALKL NIGHT. DID YOU BRING DA MEAT?"  
Suddenly Blaine's eyes glowed red, "DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU USELESS GALAH CUNT. I'LL BITE YOUR FACE, CUNT"  
And with a strong swift pimp hand, he slapped Kurt across the face, throwing him across the room, landing on a recharging dildo, and he began to be electrocuted.  
"HELP ME YOU MEXICUNT!" he jiggled about. But Blaine left without turning his head, he strutted out of the room, with two final words,  
"FUCK YEAH."


End file.
